Judy P's Tickle Trunk

……..or One Man’s Junk is Another Man’s Treasure?

There is a certain amount of settling in to be done when you have homes in two countries: discarding outdated food, shuffling the seasonal clothing about, sorting the read books from the unread books, that kind of thing.

My desk suffers from chronic clutter syndrome.

Yesterday I cleaned up around my desk. Here is a list of some of the less useful things I found:

• a box of red and green Christmas tictacs. I subsequently learned that if you leave them long enough they are a lot easier to chew. The green ones are not minty flavoured.
• an article on how to write an artist’s statement and some notes I made as a start in which I mention coloured pencils and Edward Gorey.

• The Poopie List. An itemized list which made it’s way around the grade six classroom. It names different kinds of poop and its features. My favourite was Ghost Poopie.
• a Life in Hell cartoon by Matt Groening called “Things Dad Said/Things I Said”. It has a series of panels comparing his Dad’s statements and his own as an adult. For example: “Dad said: When I was a boy this used to be beautiful countryside. None of these ugly buildings were here. I said: When I was a boy this used to be a bunch of neat buildings. None of these ugly  mini-malls were here.” 
• an exercise program using a physio ball to improve your kayaking technique. I have it on hold until I can find a physio ball at the thrift store. I used to have one but it was so covered in cat hair that I got rid of it. Last time I saw it it was rolling around in a ditch in Prospect.
• the script from a skit my friend Lynn (aka Madame Fortuna) and I did at the party to celebrate my marriage.
• the script from a skit Lynn, Pam and I did at my retirement party in which one of my lines went “I’m going to make like a sheep and get the flock out of here!”
• a space blanket. Don’t know if I will need it, I might never be cold again. I wonder if hot flashes contribute to global warming? If so, go ahead, blame me.
• A book that Jake wrote and illustrated when he was three (I wrote out the text for him)
• A pair of vampire fangs in a denture cup.
• Boris, my screen cleaning stuffed sock man made by Sarah.
• Priscilla Pig, my crocheted travel companion. At least until I lost her for two or three years. Also made by Sarah.

• 

  Priscilla perches on the skipper’s lunch aboard the Fundy Cruiser

• A 75¢ off coupon for Honey Bunches of Oats which expired in 2012. (The coupon expired, that is, I never got to see the HB Oats)
• a package of negatives from a family trip to PEI in 2002. In one picture Jake has bottle caps for eyes.
• A Sun magazine from December 2012. (It’s a great literary magazine published in Chapel Hill NC. Non-profit, no ads, “provocative interviews, thoughtful essays, real stories, and striking photographs”. The “real” part can make it a bit depressing from time to time.
• a letter to Ellen Degeneres asking her, if she was coming to Nova Scotia to see the face of Jesus under the massage bed in the hair salon floor, would she be interested in helping me build a boat.
• a pair of inflatable arm floaties. (to go on my boat pump in case it dropped overboard; PVC pipe does not float.)
• a pair of Laurentian coloured pencils in appropriate colours for Causcasian or African American (chestnut marrow and blush pink, not in that order)

The only thing I am discarding is the expired coupon. I never did hear back from Ellen. Oh well, the boat is built and paid for now. Wonder if she would be interested in funding the building of a teardrop camper? Where’s my pen?

© Judy Parsons 2016 except the Gorey drawing.

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