Sigh

…..or Siiiiigh (which is a prolonged sigh)

I have on my kitchen wall a small decorative light to remind me of where I am from.

After the shenannigans of the American president started to become more and more outrageous I decided that every time Donald Duck did or said something heinous, or ignoble or outrageous, I would turn on the light to remind myself that he is not “my people”.  I call it my Trumpicator.

Lately there has not been no opportunity to turn it off and since Thursday it has been burning a friggin’ hole my wall!

All I can do is sigh. Last evening I watched the new Netflix show “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction” with David Letterman and got a little emotional. At least we know they are still out there. Sigh.

© Judy Parsons 2018

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On the Twelfth Day of Christmas

…My True Love Gave to Me….

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Lancelot: Come on down honey, I got just the thing for your headache. (Heh, heh, this twelve pack ‘ll fix her right up.)

Judith: Is it individually packaged? Expired? From the flea market? Made in a third world country by child labourers?
Lancelot: Yes, no, no, and no my lovie.

Judith: That hit the spot.
Lancelot: Nothing like a little hair of the dog.
Judith: Oh sweetheart, you know me so well. But just for the record, I really don’t want a gift for Valentine’s Day.

Meanwhile over at the Trailer Park

Lannie: How’s the head, ducky?
Joodles: Not good.
Lannie: Well here, I got these off the internet. “Giant sized pills for giant sized headaches” they promised.
Joodles: I’ll take two right now.

 

 

 

 

Blue: Man, this place gets stranger ever’ day. I gotta be movin’ on.

Lannie: How’d they work out?
Joodles:
Well the headache’s gone but I just had the weirdest dream!!
Lannie: Anyone seen Blue?

On the twelfth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Twelve “Best” Medicines

© Judy Parsons 2018

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On the Eleventh Day of Christmas

…My True Love Gave to Me

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Lancelot: Come on down honey, I got you a special treat.
Judith: Is is animal, vegetable, or mineral?
Lancelot: Hmmm, I’d categorize it as confectionary.
Judith: Put the kettle on, I’ll grab my Tender Tootsies.

Judith: Mmm, rumballs, my favourite. Pass me a serviette please.
Lancelot: Not just any rumballs. They’re from Vermont – “double the rum for twice the fun.”

Judith: Oh my, I don’t know if it was the rum or the balls that didn’t agree with me! Where did you get them?
Lancelot: At the flea market.
Judith: Unnngh, grooooan. The flea market! What was the expiry date on them?
Lancelot: Expiry date? I dunno, they were loose in a box.
Judith: Unnnnnnngh.

Lancelot: Sorry sweetie, let me draw you a bath. You’ll feel better after a good soak.

Judith: What’s that racket? Did you leave the radio on?

Penguin 2: Hey Bud, did anyone tell those couple of chicks from the yard about the show?
Doggie 1: Yeah, they’re not coming, they’re not much into opera.
Angel: Sssshhhh; Hunding is just laying down the law to Siegmund.
Bass Singer: For one night my house shall be thy refuge, but – tomorrow see to thy weapon, for thou shalt pay with thy life for the dead….

Meanwhile over at the Trailer Park

Lannie: Joodles, come on out an give me hand with this delivery.
Joodles: DELIVERY! No way. No more decorations.
Lannie: Naw, this one is edible. It’s chooo-co-late.
Joodles: Chocolate? Where’s me Crocs?

Lannie: Okay Blue, when I says “haul”, give ‘er.
Joodles: Wow. Listen, let’s send that wild hog over to the food bank to make room in the freezer.

Joodles: Aaaaah, this is the life.

Lannie: Hey, git that fudge away from Blue. Chocolate is like arsenic for hounds.

Joodles: Ooooh Lordie, I think I’m dying. Where’d ya git that fudge anyhow?
Lannie: Over at the flea market. The fella says it the best fudge. Made by nuns up in Mississippi.
Joodles: In what century?
Lannie: Sorry, I’ll bury what’s left. Listen, can ya take that hurlin’ inside? You’re startin’ to attract wildlife.

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Eleven Chunks of Chocolate Confection.  

© Judy Parsons 2017
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On the Tenth Day of Christmas

…My True Love Gave to Me….

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Lancelot: Honey, I’m done chopping up all the Christmas trees.

Judith: What’s all that tweeting about, dear?

Lancelot: Those trees were full of stray birds!

Judith: Hello? Hello? Animal Control….

Mexican Bird: Hey, they give you guys any hassle at the border? We had to sneak over in a shipment of fake trees.
Chickadee: Naw, they just wave us snowbirds through.
Mexican Bird: You’re lucky. Hey, ye know the way to Key West? I hear Jimmy Buffit is lookin’ for back-up singers.
Chickadee: Not really, but you can follow us as far as Miami tomorrow, we’re heading over to Ikea. Only place in Florida you can get lingonberries.
Mexican bird: What’s a lingonberry?

Penguin: We’re headin’ North tomorrow. Supposed to be a delicious cold snap in South Carolina.
Doggie 1: Hey dude, stick around another day. That funky angel is directing Das Rheingold in the living room tomorrow night.
Penguin: Do I smell fish?

Meanwhile, over at the Trailer Park

Lannie: That’s the last o’ the stinkin’ trees cut up.
Joodles: What’s all that tweetin’?

Lannie: They was a whole flock ‘a birds nestin’ in those trees.


Joodles: They any good ta eat? They’re pretty big an’ all.

Angel 2: Kind of sad about the snowmen. If they’d waited another day or two for the cold snap they probably would have made it.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Ten Stray Birdies 

© 2018 Judy Parsons. 2018!!!!!!

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On The Ninth Day of Christmas

…My True Love Gave to Me…

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Judith: What’s that strong fishy smell dear?

Lancelot: Well now, it just happens to be fish. These little flippers were just about to hit their best before date so I picked them up for a song.

Lancelot: You ever see a prettier bunch of fish?
Judith: Well, all I can say is they’d be a heck of a lot prettier if they were gutted, cleaned, and lying in bags in the icebox.

Meanwhile over at the Trailer Park

Joodles: Dagnabbit, this is the last straw.
Lannie: But it was lookin’ so bare after I got the trees chopped up and you put the fruit away. These fellas was just pinin’ for a home.
Joodles: This is the last straw. One more lawn decoration and I’m moving into the camper.
Orange fish: I’d like to be….
Blue fish: Under the sea……
Yellow fish: In an octopus’s garden in the shade……

On the Ninth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Nine Funky Fishes.

© Judy Parsons 2017

On the Eighth Day of Christmas

…My True Love Gave to Me

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Lancelot: Honey, is there any room in the icebox?

Judith: Room for what, dear?
Lancelot: Fruit, sweetie, I got fruit.

Judith: And it’s not even from the discount bin! It looks delicious dear.

Lancelot: Happy New Year, my sweet.
Judith: And you. Now, can I peel you a grape?

Meanwhile down at the Trailer Park

Joodles: Where in the name of Father Time did this gynormous fruit come from?
Lannie: Down at the experimental farm. Genetically modified it said.

Joodles: No more I says. Tis the new year. We should make a resolution to stop getting more stuff.
Lannie: Sure we can freeze some and you can bottle some. Maybe make us some pineapple grunt.
Joodles: You come down here an’ I’ll give you pineapple grunt. Nutting but a make work project, all dat fruit. I swear, I’m gonna hide your wallet til the Christmas sales are over.
Lannie: An’ a Happy New Year to you too!!

On the Eighth Say of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Eight Fresh Fruits (GMO and otherwise)

© Judy Parsons 2017

Comments:
Lance – An’ a Happy New Year to you too!!
Judy – Thanks for the good wishes and for your patience!!

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On the Seventh Day of Christmas

…My True Love Gave to Me….

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Lancelot: Heh, heh, Judith is going to love these clearance Christmas trees.

Judith: Oh Lancelot, they remind me of winter back home. But Dear, Christmas Day is long gone and they do block the beautiful sunsets.

Meanwhile over at the Trailer Park

Joodles: Lannie come quick! Someone stole our house!!

Lannie: Ah quite yer bellowin’ girl, it’s still there. Jes can’t see it behind these discount trees I bought.
Joodles: Enough!! Enough with the lawn stuff! Christmas is half over for cryin’ out loud.

On the Seventh Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Seven Fake Coniferous Trees. 
(or just the cones of said trees, depending on where you live)

© Judy Parsons 2017

On the Sixth Day of Christmas

…My True Love Gave to Me

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Lancelot: There, that’s the last one dear.

Judith: The last one of what, honey?

Lancelot: The last of the manatees. You said you wanted manatees.
Judith: Sweetie, you really should look into those hearing aids. I may have said “more trees”, not “manatees”. But they’re soooo sweet. I wonder what they eat?

Meanwhile over at the Trailer Park

Joodles: Where the binkity-blank did all the monkeys come from?
Lannie: I got ’em on sale. You said you wanted more monkeys.

Joodles: Clean out yer ears, ya nimrod, I said “more trees” not “monk-ees
Lannie: Must have been that knock on the head I got buildin’ snowmens. Sheesh. Everyone loves monkeys.

On the Sixth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Six Mistake Manatees 
(or Six Mistake Monkeys – depending on where you live)

© Judy Parsons 2017

On the Fifth Day of Christmas

My True Love Gave to Me….

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Lancelot: Honey, just wait til you see what a deal I got on white balls.

Judith: Oh sweetie, the pattern on them matches the little sleigh ornament Aunt Millie sent!
Lancelot: Meant to be dear. Bought four, got one free.
Judith: My gracious, if you keep this up we’ll have to get more trees.

Penguin 1: Oh yeah man, Key West was totally lit. We sang back-up for Jimmy Buffett and drank margaritas all day.

Meanwhile, over at the Trailer Park

Joodles: Now what are ya draggin’ home?
Lannie: Snowman parts. Buy four get one free!
Joodles: How you gonna get them lifted?
Lannie: Same ways I lifts ever’thin’.

Lannie: Okay, Blue, when I says haul, giv’er.
Joodles: Oh My God, be careful, remember the Milton steeple!

Lannie: Well don’t jes stand there, git me down!
Joodles: Not until you promise not to buy any more decorations. Why couldn’t you just get a couple more trees or somethin’. It’s Florida, for Pete’s sake, not snowman country.

On the Fifth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Five White Balls

© Judy Parsons 2017

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On The Fourth Day of Christmas

..My True Love Gave to Me

Down at Florida Seaside Villa

Judith: Oh honey, four little angels!! Might as well set them up inside. But what’s with that odd one out?

Lancelot: It was buy three, get one free, on Christmas items at the Goodwill.

Judith: Well she is just a little rustic but quite lovable. Reminds me of my high school glee club director a little. But seriously, maybe we should cut back on the decorations; the dogs are getting a little spooked.

Meanwhile over at the Trailer Park:

Joodles: Aaw, a quartet of waxy choir girls. Some sweet. Do you wind them up or something?
Lannie: Naw, they don’t sing a note. And they’re angels. Bought three, got one free, harps not included.

On The Fourth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
Four Silent Angels