Judy P's Tickle Trunk

….or how cheap can you get anyhow.

It’s not really about the cost; in the end I will probably spend as much as if I’d bought everything new at Big Lots or K Mart. The fiddling and fussing and the shopping for the extra bits to make a thrift store purchase presentable often adds up to hours over many days. Take for example my front door wreath. It would have been a lot easier to sit in my armchair and order one up from Amazon and have it delivered right to the door but where’s the fun in that?

I see the wreath on the sad old Christmas shelf at the thrift store, sitting amongst a ceramic angel with a missing wing, a rustic “Peace on Earth” plaque from the folk art revival era, and a stocking holder with its hook broken off. Oh my – I need a wreath  and this one is already lighted! And cord free with a timer! Still in the box and only $5. In the cart it goes with the Chinese knock-off German nativity carousel and the tacky Christmas sweater (coming to you in a Blog soon). Time expended: 10 minutes, dollars spent: 5.

One man’s junk….

“It just needs a big red bow” I think. And, as I discover once I get home, a pair of D batteries and a hanger of some kind. Sigh. I spend forever standing by the battery rack in the supermarket trying to decide whether to spend more for two good ones that would keep a bunny with a drum scampering annoyingly about the room all night, or get four el-cheapos. I go with cheap. Time expended (including driving): 25 min, dollars spent: 5.

I settle in with the wreath. What!!! There is a whole section of bulbs missing and two broken. Only way that could have happened was if someone drove over it with a golf cart. (I recently met a woman who had been run over by a golf cart. Yes, all four wheels, she said, but that’s another story) Evil of them to send it to charity when it should have gone in the garbage. I bet they send their expired groceries to the food bank too. Off to Home Depot for bulbs. “Sorry ma’am, we’re all out of replacement bulbs”. Grrr. I grab up a full string of lights that are an exact match and fret over whether I can use a bulb from a set of 50 in a set of 35. What the hey, you can’t catch a steel door on fire. Can you? Oh yeah, a magnet to hang the beast. Time expended: 45 min, dollars spent $7.99 for lights, $5 for magnet.

I settle in with the wreath. What!!! Yes, the bulbs are a perfect match but their posts are too long to fit in the little sockets. I deliberate on whether I should carve them down. Naw, the wires don’t line up either. And perhaps the magnet will slide down the door and the sparking will catch the wooden front steps on fire. I install the batteries. Of the bulbs present only two thirds work. Except when they are flashing intermittently, then three quarters work, except when you wiggle bulb number twelve, then they all work but one. I decide to cover the gap with a big bow and cut my losses. I return the string of lights to Home Depot. Time expended: 25 minutes, dollars spent -7.99.

Off to the thrift store for a bow. Ninety minutes later, no bow but I do have a next to new Ikea tub chair and a framed  picture of a hunting osprey. Time expended: 90min, dollars spent: 12 but not on the wreath so it don’t count.

Off to Big Lots and to the Christmas bow section. I study a whole wall of bows. The only one I like is $8 and I refuse to spend more than the wreath cost. I go to the ribbon section and choose a roll. Time expended: 25 min, dollars spent: 3 unless you in add in the Christmas gift I bought and a scribbler or two.

Home to make a bow with the new ribbon and some left-over ornament hangers and a piece of red ribbon that came attached to the assembly instructions of a patio table (I really can’t throw anything out). I attach it to the wreath, adjust the twiggy sprigs, fiddle with bulb number 12 (another 15 minutes expended) and Bob’s your Uncle:

And after dark: (yes, some of the other bulbs light up too. Sometimes.)

Total time expended: 220 minutes, dollars spent: 18. But it’s not about the time or the money. It is about taking something that has been discarded and giving it at least one more chance to shine, a last kick at the can. And if those kind of stories rock your Dollar Store Christmas socks, let me recommend one of my favourite kid’s Christmas books:

© Judy Parsons 2015

Comments seem to have failed permanently. You can send to my email and I will post them into the blog if you wish. jgparsons@judypstickletrunk.com