Judy P's Tickle Trunk

…...or Then There Were Three

And what is the most important meal of the day? COFFEE of course. I loves my coffee – it is a big part of my life. Preferably made strong and dark from freshly ground beans and topped off with a bit of milk. I’m not fit to live with without it. Without my morning coffee I’m no more useful than an electric kettle on a wood-stove. I’m not fit to live with until I’m well into my second cup. But lately it hasn’t been going so well.

I’ve been using this coffee maker for a couple of years and lately it hasn’t been behaving. Shutting down as soon as the coffee is brewed, sometimes not brewing the water at all (yes, yes, it’s plugged in and yes I’ve tried turning it off and then back on again, it’s a friggin’ coffee maker not a laptop – talk to me after I’ve had a cup) You never know what glitch is going to greet you after you put the coffee in the basket and throw the switch. No biggie, I got it for ten bucks at a thrift store. Time to update. Off to Walmart.

The coffeemaker came fresh and new out of the box. The packaging was all neat and tidy, all the little bits and pieces were present, and the instruction manual was unopened. My greatest horror is purchasing something that I think is new only to find out that it has been purchased previously and returned. Is there a phobia word for that? Is it atelophobia: fear of imperfections? I digress. But what is this???

My ‘new appliance’ jinx is apparently still active. How they managed to poke a hole through the base of the carafe without opening the carton is beyond me. Did someone kick the box in frustration after it reminded them of the non-working one they have at home? (They hadn’t had their morning coffee yet) To make matters worse, the displaced piece of glass was stuck to the inside of the pot so that it didn’t rattle when the box was picked up. Sigh. It’ll have to go back. I’ll be sure to rumple everything up real well and shake that glass fragment loose so they don’t try and sell it to some other poor sucker.

In the meantime, I was off to the thrift store to find a four foot wooden giraffe. No I didn’t find one, no I’m not going to explain why I was looking for it, and please don’t send me one, I’ve moved on. Maybe I’d discuss it IF I HAD A COFFEE!! Anyhow, there on the shelf for $9.99 was a used coffee pot. What’s the chance of that? “Does it work?” I asked. “We turn them on but we don’t run water through them.” I was told. I took it home, filled it with a cleansing bath of vinegar and water. Flipped the switch. Red light came on: check. Pleasant gurgle from the bowels of the machine: check. Water through filter. Nada. Pot was hot. Turned it off and on again. Now not even the red light came on. No gurgle. That first one must have been the death rattle. Sigh. I now recalled that the thrift store clerk never really said whether it actually worked when they turned it on, just that they did. Bigger sigh. No returns at the thrift store.

So now I have three. Do I scrap the first two but for the carafes and use them in the new machine? Do I pitch the works? Do garbage-men ever wonder about the stuff they pick up at your home, like “Why did this woman have three coffee makers? His, hers, and one for the youngsters?” Gotta find me a coffee. It’s gonna have to be a Tim’s. What do you mean there’s no Tim’s in this small Florida town? Sigh.

© Judy Parsons 2019
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